Why Men In Their Thirties Are Still Single
In their 30s, single women are in a mad rush to settle down.
Their friends are posting photos on social media like there’s no tomorrow:
destination weddings,
excited pregnancy announcements,
selfies with their committed partner on vacation.
As early as her mid-20s, a woman who is still single starts to panic.
After this age, a serious relationship is a MUST HAVE item for a woman.
A single women in her 30s feels EMBARRASSED that no man has yet validated her as worthy of commitment.
A Different Story
By contrast, many single men are singing a different tune.
In their 30s, men are enjoying single life.
We’re pursuing casual flings, or not dating at all, instead, consumed by our hobbies and interests.
Single men over 35 are blissfully content with enjoying our lives, our buddies, our careers, and our weekends.
Women never seem to consider that THEY could be the problem in a situation.
This woman is having “less than stellar” experiences dating in her 30s, because she’s a woman in her 30s.
She’s simply not as attractive as she was when she was younger.
Men around her are less blindly controlled by their sexual urges. Men are not pursuing her like they were when she was 25, and they never will, no matter who she tried to date.
“Super laid back” = more interested in bikes and dogs than pursuing an almost 40 year old woman.
Why Don’t Men In Their Thirties Want to Commit?
Besides the lack of biological or social pressure to enter a serious relationship, there’s one dirty little secret to why men, if they’ve reached their 30s as bachelors, avoid serious relationships with women.
Heterosexual men DON’T LIKE the company of women.
This is a truth that can be difficult for women to accept.
It gets shouted down as “sexist”.
It’ll get you blocked on many popular internet forums.
It’s not polite to say in conversation.
That doesn’t make it any less true.
Remove the possibility of sex, and many men have no interest in being around women.
Think back to the school playground.
Little boys ride bikes, chase, and wrestle.
Little girls braid each other’s hair and play with dolls——- on the opposite side of the playground.
Not until puberty, when a flood of hormones makes sex a necessity, do young males and females begin to interact.
After about mid-30s, men experience a more manageable desire for sex, and the same effect happens in reverse.
As he matures, a man actually grows more like his boyhood self on the playground: more interested in “bikes and dogs”, his hobbies and his friends, than the opposite sex.
Men Enjoy Women(‘s Bodies)
Men enjoy sex, both for the physical release, and the feeling of accomplishment that comes with successfully seducing (conquering) a woman.
Men enjoy women’s bodies, as well as the admiration of their male peers when the woman in question is attractive. They may even think a woman is a cool or interesting person.
However, most men don’t like talking to, or being around women, if the possibility of sex isn’t on the table.
Consider the way that men’s behavior changes towards a woman, from engaged and friendly, to completely uninterested or even hostile, once she says she has a boyfriend.
Unattractive women also describe their interactions with men, or the way that women complain about how men respond to them as they get older.
Most report getting ignored at best, treated rudely at worst.
This simple misunderstanding is at the root of the “Friendzone”.
A heterosexual man will not invest his time into a woman:
talking to her,
listening to her problems,
providing free therapy, mechanic services, and favors-
UNLESS he wants to sleep with her.
When sex doesn’t happen, he feels annoyed that he wasted his time.
Once a man realizes that the woman will never sleep with him, he’ll disappear, even if he’d been pretending to be “friends” with the woman for years.
Women, who live for male attention, get offended by this, but it is what it is.
Young Men Need Women
Young men, under the age about 35, are most susceptible to feeling like they need a woman.
Dating/ sleeping with, which is to say possessing, an attractive woman, or any woman at all, is necessary to allay their voracious sexual desires, as well as validates their identity as A Man, both to themselves and among their peers.
There is no greater accomplishment in the eyes of a group of younger men than nailing (also known as “smashing”, “banging”, “fucking”) a hot woman.
The conqueror is celebrated as a hero, his bros slap him on the back and cheer at his success.
He has slayed the dragon, the elusive beautiful woman.
It Was Never About The Woman
I reveled in both giving and receiving those accolades in my twenties and early thirties.
Women were mythical creatures that none of us understood.
Actually being able to sleep with one, not to mention an attractive woman, was a rare accomplishment, even for those among us that were considered “good” with women.
Dating and seduction are always a numbers game for men. From high school to age 30, when women are at the peak of their desirability, getting chased by dozens of men, it’s a bloodbath.
My most handsome, most charming friends (One former U.S Marine, another who was an amateur bodybuilder, and a mixed race Italian/ Black dude that had modeled in Los Angeles) got rejected DOZENS of times for every ONE instance that they were successful.
We celebrated with each other when we scored with women, and drank to our failures when we didn’t.
Prowling bars together, laughing and teasing each other was an act of bonding. We were like a band of brothers, soldiers in the trenches.
However, in my late 20s, I started to realize that I was excited to show my friends that I could “pull” as much,
or even more, than I was about actually sleeping with the woman.
The main reason why older men, speaking of guys about 35 and up, don’t want relationships is that by now, a lot of us have realized that too.
It was never about women.
We have a stronger sense of self and don’t need a cheering tribe of bros to feel good about ourselves.
We brag to each other about achievements in our career or business, hobbies, interests, and side hustles- not simply sleeping with random women. (Unless she is EXCEPTIONALLY young/ hot.)
When I get together with my friends for a beer, we brag about mortgage refinance rates, our stock portfolios, and new toys, like guns and motorcycles we’ve bought.
Romantic relationships simply aren’t as important to men as they are to women, at any age.
However, early on, younger men’s thirst for sex and validation makes it seem like relationships are equally important to them.
Peace, Quiet, Freedom
A guy in his 30s isn’t as consumed by his desire for sex, and is often perfectly happy with his various hobbies and interests.
As such, he doesn’t need, or want, a woman around 24/7.
Sex was all he wanted in the first place.
Move sex way down on the list of priorities, and a relationship, with the responsibilities and restrictions that come with it, becomes unimaginable.
A single man over 35 has come to value his autonomy, or as author and content creator Coach Greg Adams coined, “Peace, Quiet, Freedom”.
At 37, I have a lifetime of accomplishment to look back on, and a bright future ahead to propel me forward.
In my time on Earth, I’ve managed to:
serve honorably in the US Air Force, a childhood dream
travel all over the United States, and the world: visiting 30 states and a dozen countries including Thailand, Germany, England, Sweden, Costa Rica, and more
lived in an exotic foreign country for several years, something I aspired to as a child
chased adventures like skydiving, snowboarding, running a triathlon, and a half marathon
build this blog
work in my dream job in a highly technical engineering field
I’m also remodeling a house, building a business, and starting school to pursue a career change.
Thirties, and even 40s and 50s is YOUNG- for a man.
I’m in great shape, full of ideas and energy, but with the benefit of having enough adult experience under my belt to know what I’m doing.
By contrast, women in my age group are slowing down.
The male attention that is a woman’s main source of self-worth since puberty, tapers down to a trickle from the overwhelming avalanche that it was in her youth.
She seeks validation in any little compliment from a horny teenager on the street.
Women in their later years will brag on and on about a young guy flirting with her at a gas station.
When she was younger, men approached her constantly.
After age 30, the slightest amount of male attention will become the highlight of her week.
If she’s unmarried, or even unattached, she starts to feel the pressure of finding a man before it’s too late.
Older relatives and her grandma try to warn her, and that only increases her anxiety.
Women in their 30s want to be in committed relationships, if not living together and married, RIGHT AWAY.
They understand, either instinctively, or from seeing single, older women, that an attractive man is only harder and harder to secure, the older she gets.
Dating Women from Early 20s- Early 40s
I have an active dating life, seeing women from 22 to over 40.
There is a palpable energy of older women wanting to push the relationship forward that isn’t there compared to the casual, easy manner of younger women.
Younger women come with their own set of challenges, but hinting at a commitment after 3- 4 dates hasn’t been one of them.
Sometimes the pressure comes in the form of subtle hints.
Questions like, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”, meant to “vet” me for a possible serious relationship, to outright: “Can I call you my boyfriend?”.
Ten, or even 5 years ago, I was the one chasing women around, double texting, grasping to arrange a date.
Now, roles are reversed.
My attention, my masculine energy, and most of all, my commitment are at a premium.
I am the prize to be won, and I know it.
Women my age know this too.
Single Men Aren’t “Immature”
One thing that women this age don’t understand is that the majority of men in their 30s have never experienced the kind of choice and fun of dating that we are enjoying now.
Men have to build our value on our own:
In the gym
perfecting charm and social skills
building a successful business, or career.
We fight tooth and nail for a position on the sexual marketplace.
Starting from puberty, it takes the average man 10- 15 years to do this, at a minimum.
At 30, he’s just gaining a foothold.
By 35, his effort starts to bear fruit.
He’s just getting started.
By contrast, women receive their value in the sexual marketplace up front.
As author and Youtuber Coach Greg Adams states,
“She simply goes to sleep and wakes up.
Every day, she’s a little more developed, and a little more attractive.”
At 16, she is blessed with shiny, flowing hair, soft skin, a curvy waistline, and voluptuous breasts while boys her age wrestle with acne, awkwardness, and a squeaky voice.
Women revel in attention from all sorts of men for more than 10 years after puberty: boys she grew up with, men at work, construction workers on the street.
They all want to buy her dinner, take her on trips, ply her with gifts.
At the same time, men her age struggle to get a date at all, like my friends, and me, at that age.
Then, when the attention starts to dwindle, and her friends are getting married and posting ultrasound photos on social media, she decides to try to settle down.
Her problem is, men that are still single, at least attractive ones, are just getting started.
Single men at 35 and up, the 99% who weren’t the captain of the football team or naturally gifted with women,
are JUST NOW starting to experience the dating life that the woman has been enjoying since the seventh grade.
Men aren’t “immature” for wanting to experience dates and sex with different women.
Women had their fun in their earlier years.
Insults like “immature”, “man-child”, and more, are shaming language from frustrated women that waited too long to cash in their chips.
Life As A Bachelor
At 37, I love my freedom of being a bachelor.
I come and go as I please.
I flirt with, date, and seduce beautiful women of all different ages.
We enjoy our time together: adventures, dates, sex.
When that time is up, we simply go our separate ways.
I enjoy sleeping in on weekends, staying up late to write, or work out, staring into space as I dream up ideas and plans for my future.
None of these things are possible, at least not very often, for the man with a girlfriend or wife making demands on his time.
A Woman I’m Seeing Wants Commitment
I’m currently dating a pretty woman whom I like a lot.
She has full, soft lips, deep brown eyes, and a sexy, Coke bottle figure.
She’s fun in bed, easy to talk to, and loves hikes, beer, and dogs as much as I do.
In just a few months, we’ve spent almost every weekend together: camping, trips to the lake, laughing and dancing in my kitchen while we make dinner together.
It’s going great and I’m thrilled. There’s only one problem.
She wants to be committed.
“Can I call you my boyfriend?”
she pointedly asked, on the eighth week of us dating and sleeping together.
I deflected with a funny comment.
Starting in month 4, she posed the question in one way or another almost every time we see each other.
I laughed it off, dodging and ducking like Muhammed Ali in a prizefight.
The “Girlfriend” Talk
By month 6, she was more insistent.
She would make comments about being my “girlfriend”, still trying to keep it light-hearted.
We were out on the lake one weekend, and she started up with the “girlfriend” talk. I met her beautiful dark eyes with mine and paused for a moment.
“A relationship happens when both people are ready,” I said calmly. She nodded.
My gaze still holding hers, I continued: “I’m not ready”.
I like this woman’s company but I know what comes with the title of “Boyfriend- Girlfriend”: emotional labor, limited sex, weekends at baby showers and farmer’s markets, a woman bossing me around.
The freedom of bachelor life is too good to give up.
In Conclusion
By age 35, a man has been in a few relationships.
He’s experienced the ups and downs of tying himself to a woman: tumultuous moods, crying fits, manipulation, and sky-high, often unreasonable, expectations.
He’s seen friends and older men beaten down and henpecked. They struggle through sexless marriages, bitchy wives, and divorce.
Previously, the promise of sex was enough to balance out the drama.
As a guy gets a little older, he still enjoys and desires sex, but the incessant demand for sex tempers to become more manageable.
He loves sex with a beautiful woman, but he also revels in free time to do hobbies, work out, or just be alone and think.
The control that women have over men in their teens and 20s is access to sex.
Once that is taken away, as she gets older and less attractive, and the man grows more mature and less controlled by his desires, the carrot that drives the donkey loses its appeal.
Special thanks to a MGTOW reader who sent me this link.
After age 30, it’s statistically rare for a never married man to ever get married.
The longer he waits, the more he’ll cherish his Peace, Quiet, and Freedom.
-Solitary Beast
Update
For those who’ve asked, I dated the woman in this article for a year.
When she began to pressure me for commitment/ moving in together, I let her go.
Read my post “How to Break Up With Your Girlfriend”.
Want More Like this?
Check out my posts:
“High Value Man or Free Agent Lifestyle: Which Option Is Best for Men?”
“A Girlfriend Is Better Than A Wife”
“Men and Women Shouldn’t Live Together”
Solitary Beast Featured on Strong Successful Male
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